Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
