AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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