the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
