would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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