toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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