Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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