I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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