Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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