just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize