checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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