No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
