My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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