My Higher Power is John Stamos
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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