That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
