I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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