Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
