that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
