i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize