How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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