He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
