just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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