At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
