he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
