Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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