Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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