what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
