Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize