i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
