Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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