Im at strip club and am horny
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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