drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life