the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz