Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.

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(206): View more from Washington

i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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(415): View more from California

Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.

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(410): View more from Maryland

i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(818): View more from California

Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award

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(760): View more from California

The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

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(773): View more from Illinois

You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.

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