we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty