so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?