I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
