I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
