Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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