Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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