there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
