I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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