i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
