did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
