dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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