apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
