We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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