And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
