When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
