Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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