I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
