I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
