VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
