I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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