oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
