where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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