After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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