Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
