hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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