so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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