I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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