Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
