i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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