you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
