I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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