Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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