My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
