I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
