he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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