somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
