wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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