i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
