so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
