I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
