She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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